Rolling the credits on 2021…as Billie Eilish says, Fuck You to 2021.
There was a Crumplbangers Discord challenge last week to make an ‘ending’ mashup for 2021 using only 2021 sources, so I decided to use two tracks I loved and actually only heard this year – Taylor’s Version of ‘All Too Well’ and Billie Eilish’s hit ‘Happier Than Ever’.
I realised while I was tweaking it what it was about, I lost a close longterm friend a year ago over his behaviour which had been a problem for a long time, but I had been dealing with it alone, keeping it under wraps. He then chose to escalate it to the circle of mutual friends and tread over my boundaries, which was far from acceptable. It wasn’t acceptable to begin with, but I felt if I could control it, keep the peace, it’d be fine (stupidly), but as soon as it broke those bounds I couldn’t really see how I could carry on pretending it’s OK anymore.
Yet I never closed the door and made it clear what my boundaries were but that he could contact me when he wanted to be a friend and be there for me. Sadly a year later it’s still total radio silence, so this has very deep personal meaning since the anger at what he did is still there, and the sadness of that loss was basically my 2021.
But also feeling better without that negativity, because I didn’t realise how much manipulation had gone on til I stopped and had to explain it to that mutual friend. I realised how much it was affecting my mood, it was a weight lifted. To be constantly aware that any positive thing about myself would be pounced on as ‘bragging’ or get bitchy criticisms when drunk I could not answer to because then the tantrums and sulking would start.
So this is the end credits on 2021 but also unless a miracle happens, probably rolling the sunset end credits on that friendship.
BTW this combo has been done before (as far as I can find) but only as the reverse – Taylor Swift’s vocals over Billie Eilish’s instrumental, so I think this is an original and not a reboot.
P.S. All original artwork, well the photos are CC Zero – background from Engin Akyurt and the red man is from khezez, but the montage and post production is all mine. It took a lot to find an image relating to the ‘red scarf’ of All Too Well, the man overboard is my friend (or me), and the underwater part is from video of Happier Than Ever.
I do think about these things far too much! Then again, looking at Billie Elish’s video and Taylor Swift’s short film, so do they.